Thursday, October 18, 2007
ridzwan prolly know this lah coz i told him when i singgah his workplace during puasa.
cerita nyer begini...
hamad is dating. the girl is his army buddy nyer kawan. they met in a production that hamad helped out. hamad kate he didnt even notice the girl. so kirakan perempuan itu made the first move lah. dia budak NUS.
so, when aku dapat tahu, i was a bit sadlah. i cried. entah eh, mungkin aku ada juga lah sayang dia sikit2 kan. yerlah, kita dah 8 tahun kenal. and being the first love and all, its hard to let go kan. but i was happy lah he moved on. cume aku berasa bersalah for hurting him n his family ah. coz family dier sayang aku mcm anak sendiri, cukup masa, aku buat perangai. takle salahkan lah. hamad yang sakitkan hati aku dulu pe. i cant forget what he did to me after all these years so thats why i left him lah.
so i kinda told hamad lah how i felt but i was happy for him. tapi, aku nak tinggalkan dia for good coz i want him to move on and i want to get rid of whatever im feeling lah. dia sedih. kata dia tanak let go of the friendship lah. aku nie mcm best friend dia. very emotional lah so i cried. and i left msn. the next day, he msg me online kate dia in trouble. pasal dia bilang that girl what i told him lah. bodoh kan. and the girl is worried lah. tak suka agaknye. so, thats why i told him goodbye. pasal aku tahu how girls are like. they dont want their guy to still be friends with their ex. so i left him lah. block, delete dia pat msn, friendster. dia msg raya pun aku tak balas.
the girl pun very desperate lah. same mcm hamad. they are together now btw. i read her blog. semoga bahagia lah.
it may seem childish ah. but i cant stand knowing that my first love is with someone else. someone whom im with for 4 to 5 years. but slowly it will fade lah. hopefully. but now, i dun wish to hear or see him lah. kalau he going to join us for jln raya, aku minta maaflah kalau aku tak join korang eh.
now, my bf pulak, msg pun tanak. lagi sakit hati. kdg2 2 ke 3 hari senyap. bingit seh. dah sebulan lebih tak jumpa. the last time we saw each other was mase aku bawa kenalkan dia pat korang at Changi. sakit hati seh. dia ckp dia sayang. tapi pada aku mcm tak sayang jer. aku sabar. tapi how long can i last? theres a limit to one's patience tau.
tak faham ah. kenapa hidup aku nie mcm gini eh. tak pernah bahagia. when was the last time i was truly happy? i cant seem to remember.
nie, 26 oct to 29 he going KL with his friends ke pe. got work or wad lah. jangan harap lah aku dengar berita from him.
ARGH!!!!!!!!
the end.