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040308 BIT Nite
Nite Out with Friends
Haidir's 21st
Karaoke with Friends
14 February 2009 with Friends

Tuesday, December 18, 2007



oklah. u guys would probably think im so EMO lah. but it really happened okay. no kidding.

i had been depressed for almost a year now. seriously. cume org jer tak tau. its over a guy (what else is new). i met this guy online in October 2006. he happened to live in simei too. he started befriending me. and soon, he told me that he loved me. which i slowly did too. but i didnt know he had a gf until sometime later. i didnt want to be a bitch so i wanted to end it. i mean i have too. but he didnt want to let me go. he begged. he cried. he took flu pills to get high and drinks to get drunk. i felt awful. so i stayed. my weakness. we really loved each other. but we culdnt be together. things got worse from there till a big fight caused us to not contact each other anymore. i was sad i cried for months. everything i do, songs i heard reminds me of him. it was heartbreaking for me. can u imagine ive been crying for 10 months??

then, fasting month came. i was determined to get myself together and prayed for HIM to show me happiness with someone i was destined to be with. i never missed my prayers or my terawihs and each time i prayed i cried to HIM. and HE did answered my prayers. HE showed me the man. and the man is azman.

no kidding. i swear. everytime i asked HIM to show me a sign in a way that i wanted, HE did. so i was sure its azman. you cant doubt or question GOD's works can u? then, i was determined to forget my past and move on with this fact which GOD have given me.

everything was perfectly fine for the whole of september. in my other blog, my september was filled with happy moments. not a single curse word or sadness. but look at what ive been writing so far about my bf (if he still is)? i cried everytime i think of him.

i wonder, why is it so hard for me to be happy?

dont i deserve happiness? had i not suffered enough? ive been crying for a year!! ONE YEAR!! and had been sad for the past 3 years.

when will i truly be happy??


the end.



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