Tuesday, May 27, 2008
im like so pissed.
to someone.
if it wasnt for Dzul, i wouldnt have called your mum to ask u to call him. even your cousin gave the wrong number. so who else was i suppose to call? you knew he was looking for you. but u didnt even bother to update him on ur new number or to call him then. if u had, this wouldnt had happen. so yes. dont blame it on me. i called to tell u to call him. not to beg to be back with you. i dont see why its my fault. nor to tell me what your mum thinks coz im sure youre old enough to settle your own problems. like i said, i called coz i HAD to not that i want to!
so why did i cry?
i felt so low. have no one to turn to talk about my problems. my dreams are just dreams. my life is full of sadness. nothing turns out right. setbacks after setbacks. i cry and beg to HIM everyday. but it isnt helping. my life isnt getting any better. i just want to burst and scream my lungs out and leave this world. its been years and im still suffering. when will it end?
sometimes i wish i had a special someone whom i can turn to and make me happy. someone good enough to lead me to the right path and to nurture me to be a good muslim. but for now, i just want to get into MOE Diploma course to be a teacher so that i can make my parents and grandparents proud and happy and so that i can provide a better life for my parents. i really feel for my dad who works day and night without a day off to put food on the table. he didnt even get to spend time with his grandson. he's done enough for the family and now, i want to be a teacher to make him proud and take over his role.
Dear God, my dreams and wishes are so sincere and simple. please help me fulfill my wants so that i can be a better muslim and a filial daughter to my parents. Amin.
the end.